Glutton - Part 15

I am almost pre-defeated (is that a word?) by this knowledge. 

I am slapped in the face with the realization that, this time, I am gonna have to go it alone.  No Nutri-system.  No Jenny Craig.  No gastric bypass.  No patches.  No shots.  No pills. No shortcuts.  (Dangitt!!!!)  The idea that there is nothing I can purchase on Amazon that will help me is depressing.  I know that I have to do this. I know that the only answer is to acknowledge that I am a glutton.  And gluttony is sin.  Period.  We can dance around this but you know it’s true and so do I.   My sin is not that I sneak spoonfuls of ice cream, it is that I am never satisfied.  None of the copious blessings that God has showered upon me are enough to fill me up.

As I look around my home, I see evidence of it everywhere.  What kind of people have continuous donations to Goodwill?  Why does so much stuff come into this house?  I commit to organizing as much as I do to diet.  I feel sure there is a connection.  I must give myself something.  If it’s not food, it has to be some new thing from the craft store or some unique thingie from eBay.  I find it a bit ironic that someone with such low self-esteem feels the need to reward herself all the dang time.  When the biggest problems in your life are too much food and too much stuff, it’s time to admit to God that you are living in a cesspool of sin.

 

"Hey God.  I am living in a cesspool of sin."

 

I feel a whole lot better now that that is out of the way.

And I come to God empty because I am continually too full.  Too full of food? Yes.  But so much more than that.  Too full of my goals, my worries, my wants, my slights.  Too full of extremes, perfectionism and regret.  Too full of Rachel for God to have any room to move.