Book Review

Oh Amazon! Why oh why have you led me astray? You told me this was one of the 100 best books of 2008. Do you have any idea how many books were published in 2008? I'm guessing way over 100 which made me think this one must be fantastic. I was so wrong...so very wrong.

I could not finish this book.

I am ashamed.

I haven't left a book unfinished since I tried reading Moby Dick in 11th grade. I just asked myself this question. "If I died tomorrow, would I really want to have spent the last day of my life suffering through these pages of doom?" The answer was no, so I put it back on the shelf.

I really did try to finish it. I convinced myself that if I just made it through a few more pages, I would make it to the story. I never did. It was just page after page of words. I must give the author credit. He crafted some damn fine sentences. And you know my weakness for a good sentence but there just weren't enough of them. The story was very character driven. The problem is that the characters never do anything. The book centers around a neighborhood in Sheffield, England. Several families and their children. Sounds like it's gonna be good, right? I'm thinking "Knot's Landing" with British accents. Instead, I got Mister Rogers without the all the excitement.

Please don't let my five wasted days plodding through this book be for nothing. Skip this one, please.

Chimi!

We ate dinner at the birthplace of the chimichanga. You heard me...the birthplace.

The place was called El Charro Cafe. We only had 5 meals in Tucson and we ate two of them at this restauraunt.

The Flight-Part Drunk

So I finished my meal and my wine and Kevin's wine and possibly the wine of the guy in front of me. The details are sketchy. The entire flight was 2 hours and 5 minutes. I remember seeing on a 20/20 episode many years ago that your body can process one alcoholic drink per hour. Let me state unequivocally that that information is false. I closed my eyes as the plane started to descend. It felt like I was on the world's best rollercoaster. Not scary, just fun. Around this time, the flight attendant appeared again to offer me a fresh baked cookie. I'm not sure why I thought this was funny. But I giggled ucontrollably for a while nonetheless.

It seems as if, at this point, Kevin should have realized I was out of it. Whether he did or not, he continued to converse with me as if I could grasp anything he was talking about. I did a lot of nodding. When the landscape of Arizona came into view, he pointed out what he claimed was a large field full of unused aircraft.

"See", he said.

I didn't see.

He looked incredulous that I could not see those planes so I quickly countered with "Oh, those planes, yes of course. " He might have bought it if I hadn't started laughing hysterically. I have no poker face. It's sad really.

Kevin was alternating between embarrassment and amusement, mostly amusement I hope. We landed and I managed to get my carry on bag from the overhead compartment without incident. As we disembarked, I was trying to convince myself that I was fine. I was almost convinced until we reached the first escalator.

Oh Lordy.

The Flight-Part One

This trip was my third flight ever. I have to admit that with all the recent plane drama, I was a little more nervous about this flight than the previous ones. Kevin got us an upgrade to first class so I was excited to see what all the fuss was about. My only knowledge of first class had been gleaned from a Seinfeld episode. It's surprising how accurate that depiction actually is.


So the main benefit to first class is the insane amount of leg room afforded to each seat. Other than that, the first leg of the flight left me kind of unimpressed. All that changed as we headed out of Dallas on the second part of our journey.


I could hear the flight attendant behind me detailing the snacks and beverages available to the passengers in coach. This was followed by a list of the ridiculous prices they charged for these 'snacks'. No such announcement was made in first class. Almost instantly, after takeoff, a ramekin of mixed nuts was placed before me. Now I realize that the airplane snack is the ultimate cliche. But these were cashews, almonds, pistachios and pecans. Not a peanut in the mix. And...

wait for it...

they were warm.

Yes, you heard correctly, first class passengers get HOT NUTS! People, I have been to the mountaintop and and the nuts are toasted there.

Hardly had I time to recover from the nutty goodness when my magical flight attendant appeared again and uttered these words. "Would you care for some wine, ma'am?" Let me just explain something here. I cannot think of a situation in which my reply to that sentence would be anything but a resounding "You betcha".

After the wine was served, something strange occurred. The flight attendant handed me a tiny white towel...with tongs. I quickly realized that the tongs were used because the moist towelette was approximately the same temperature as molten lava. What the hell was I supposed to do with this thing? I glanced around to see what other passengers were doing. Kevin wiped his entire head, face and laptop screen (true story), the lady acros from me cleaned her glasses with it. I just used it to wipe my hands. It seemed like the safe way to go.

At this point, I'm halfway through my glass of wine and I'm feeling a little woozy. I should explain that I have very little tolerance for alcohol. I'm not sure why this is true. I probably have wine or something similar a few times a month. I know that's not a lot but I think it should certainly preclude me from getting drunk off a half glass of wine. They began to serve our meal which included a salad, a lovely calzone, and a beautiful wedge of Brie. I am going to do a whole post later on just how much I love brie. They also served those horrible table water crackers which I am convinced are made with Ann Coulter's spit, but I digress. Also just for comparison, coach passengers were offered (I swear to you) a Lunchable for the low price of 5 bucks.

Since I had not eaten all day, I thought that this meal would stave off the effects of the wine. With that in mind, I finished my original glass and happily accepted a refill. Oh sure, it seems obvious to you that this was a mistake but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

The Great Escape

Every six months or so, I teeter on the edge of an abyss I like to call "Everything and everyone is driving me insane." Kevin generally pulls me from the brink by taking me with him on a business trip. 4 days with no kids, no job and no house to care for will usually cure what ails me. The destination is unimportant. This time it was Tucson, AZ. What's in Tucson? Have no idea. Also, do not care.

Book Review

The 19th Wife is the most thought provoking book I have read in quite a long time. It's a novel that alternates between the story of the beginnings of the Mormon church and the present day polygamist sect known as "The Firsts". I honestly can't decide which one I find more interesting.

I must admit that I have had a weird fascination with plural marriage since I watched the first season of "Big Love' on HBO. One thing seems obvious to me throughout every time period and situation where polygamy exists. Any woman who really loves her husband cannot tolerate the idea of sharing him with another woman. It was true of Rachel and Leah in the book of Genesis and it's been true ever since. Like so much other nonsense, polygamy is something women just tolerate. I'm sure if you were to ask those women who still participate in plural marriages today, they will say that they are happy, fulfilled, blah, blah, blah. I ain't buying it. Also, seeing that Learning Channel special called "My Husband's Three Wives" pretty much sealed my hatred for this despicable practice.

Let's just be honest about this. If Joseph Smith had created a religion and then decided that it would be a good idea for all the women in his sect to take multiple husbands, how do you think that would have gone over. If you answered 'like a ton of bricks', then you are correct. Ann Eliza, one of the main characters in this book and the 19th wife of Brigham Young says it best. Polygamy is man's attempt to legitimize adultery. Amen, sister.

I Love Jesus But I Drink A Little

I love Gladys so much.