Glutton - Part 25

I have been rejected.

I entered this series in a Christian writing contest a few weeks ago. 

They picked 30 finalists.

Apparently I was 31.  (They didn't actually tell me I was 31st, I have just decided to believe that.)

One of the chosen manuscripts was titled Kids, Dogs and Kitchen Disasters. 

Another was Please Pass the Aspirin.

Seriously.

I lost to books about dogs and aspirin.

If ever I had a problem with arrogance, I feel confident I have been cured of that affliction.
(And don't get me wrong, those books might be awesome.  I'm sure they took lots of work and don't deserve to be made fun of by me. But come on.  Those titles just drip Lifeway best seller, don't they?)

But I am so glad that I entered this deal.  Because it's exactly the kind of thing I would NEVER do .  Pressing the 'Send' Button to enter that contest was saying "I think what I have created is important enough for you to read."  And if you know me even a little bit, then you know what a leap of faith that was for me.

So Glutton continues.  It may not be an every week deal.  (I know you will be shocked but I often have not one dang thing to say.) 

I am planning a book for when I get skinny though.  The working title is "How I kicked fat right in the butt and you can too!"  I would think about pre-ordering if I was you.

Your Status Is Beyond Annoying

I gotta unfriend some people on Facebook.

No, really.  It's just gotten out of hand.  And you'll be surprised to find that it has nothing to do with politics ...which is refreshing.

1st...I have a 'friend' who is the ex-husband of a friend.  Seeing his posts and pictures about his multiple trips to the beach (at least 5 in the past 8 months) is getting tiresome.  Yes, he is free to travel anywhere he wants and take his girlfriend with him.  I could care less.  But dude...Everyone in this town knows you have been out of work for months and are currently suing your ex-wife for half of her pathetic hourly wage in child support.  So flaunting your 'vacations' kinda make me want to damage you.  And the worst part?  I defended your sorry behind for a year during the divorce.  I quoted scripture.  I prayed for reconciliation.  I assumed your wife was exaggerating your flaws.  And now I am proved completely wrong which just gets on my dang nerves.  So, by all mean, continue to be a big old butthead.  But I don't think I can watch anymore.

2nd - One of my 'friends' posted this article called "Ten Ways to Keep Him From Cheating".  Ya'll...my blood pressure went right into stroke territory.  I HATE these damn articles.  And I hate them because they provide excuses for adultery.  We don't do this with any other sin.  Nobody is writing an article called "How to Keep Your Neighbor from Murdering You In Your Bed" or "Sure, You Were Raped but it's Probably Your Own Fault." or "Maybe Your House Would Not Have Been Burglarized If You Didn't Have Such Awesome Stuff". 
And, of course, my 'friend' (who sings at my church by the way...gotta love it) introduced this article by saying "something to think about ladies".  Hey buddy.  Know what I'm thinking about right now?  Kicking you in the eyeball,  That's what.

Bible Tuesday - Revelation Part 3

It was Sunday and I was in the Spirit, praying.
Revelation 1:10

Poor, old John is exiled on Patmos.  It's Sunday so he does what he always does.  He worships.  He is not lying on the rocky beach whining about the sad  state of his life.  He is not shaking his fist at the God who brought him here.  John is praying. 

And God rewards John, his faithful servant, with a revelation.

I heard a loud voice behind me, trumpet-clear and piercing: “Write what you see into a book. Send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicea.” I turned and saw the voice.

I saw a gold menorah
with seven branches,
And in the center, the Son of Man,
in a robe and gold breastplate,
hair a blizzard of white,
Eyes pouring fire-blaze,
both feet furnace-fired bronze,
His voice a cataract,
right hand holding the Seven Stars,
His mouth a sharp-biting sword,
his face a perigee sun.

Revelation 1:10-16

 

Don't get bogged down in this description.  John was praying. He hears a voice.  He turns around and sees Jesus.  Is this the best day ever?  Or what?

 

John reacts in a way that seems completely reasonable to me.

 

I saw this and fainted dead at his feet.

Revelation 1:17

 

Don't you think this just tickled Jesus?  I imagine him smiling and shaking his head over John at this point.  (Understand I have no biblical basis for this.  It just seems like what Jesus would do.)

 

 “Don’t fear: I am First, I am Last, I’m Alive. I died, but I came to life, and my life is now forever.

Revelation 1:17-18

 

It's possible (based upon that weird description) that John did not fully recognize Jesus.  But Jesus reassures him.  This verse is basically saying "Don't be scared buddy.  It's just me."

 

Glutton - Part 24

Can we talk about the birthday cake?

That cake taunted me. Cake is like my abusive ex - boyfriend.  I know it's wrong.  I know it will hurt me.  I know the whole deal will end badly.  But it just feels so good. 

So despite myself, we had a great celebration meal. The whole evening was just fun. I ate the foods I planned to have and was absolutely satisfied.  I served piece after piece of that delicious cake to my friends and family.  I even served them ice cream to go with it.  And ya'll...I hardly hated their guts at all for being able to eat it.

But then everyone left and I was alone in the kitchen...with the cake.  This scenario has ended badly for me approximately 743 times in the past.  I rinsed off plate after plate of cake.  Most of the kids had wasted their piece.  Just whole buttercream roses left abandoned on their plate.  It caused me physical pain to wash those delicacies down the drain.  But I did it.  And so finally the kitchen was clean and I had no other recourse but to face the cake.

I wanted that cake so bad. ( And, yes, I am ashamed to admit that I think about cake this much.  But my goal here is freedom and personal embarrassment is a small price to pay.)

And wanting that cake taught me an interesting lesson.  You see I was completely full from my meal.  I was not, in the least, hungry.  My appetite was wholly satisfied.  But my desire for that cake was completely unrelated to my appetite. 

How often do we allow desire to destroy us?  How much have we ruined in our lives by allowing things we want to overshadow what we need and , more often than not, what we already have?

In the end, I prevailed.  I ate no cake.  And you know what?  I have made peace with the fact that I may never lose my desire for buttercream roses.  But giving in to every desire is just bondage disguised as personal fulfillment.

So if you are keeping score.  It's birthday cake - 743   Rachel - 1

Bible Tuesday - Revelation Part 2

I, John, with you all the way in the trial and the Kingdom and the passion of patience in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos because of God’s Word, the witness of Jesus.
Revelation 1:9

The book of Revelation was probably written around the year 95AD.  I have no intention of arguing this date with anyone because I honestly don't care.  I'm only using a date at all to talk a bit about John.  John was the youngest disciple of Jesus.  I really believe John was in his late teens or early twenties when Jesus called him.  Assuming all these dates are anywhere near accurate, that gives us the book of Revelation written by John when he is in his eighties. 

Turning his head, Peter noticed the disciple Jesus loved following right behind. When Peter noticed him, he asked Jesus, “Master, what’s going to happen to him?”
Jesus said, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you? You—follow me.” That is how the rumor got out among the brothers that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that is not what Jesus said. He simply said, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you?”
John 21:20-23

'The disciple Jesus loved' in this passage is John.  This passage is also written by John so you can really see he has all the humbleness you might expect from a young man.  I'm highlighting these verses because I wonder how often John thought about this conversation throughout his life.  You see John's life wasn't exactly easy after Jesus' death and resurrection.  John watched all of the other disciples (including his brother) be martyred for the cause of Christ.  Maybe his faith was so strong that he never experienced fear but that seems almost impossible, doesn't it?  Toward the end of his life, John was sentenced by the emperor Domitian to be boiled to death.  They brought John out into the arena, dunked him into boiling oil and guess what?  HE DIDN'T DIE!!!  Don't you think John, at that point, thought that perhaps he was going to live until Jesus returned? 

Try to remember these things as we read on.  John is exiled on the island of Patmos.  This is not a tiki bar, sapphire blue water, coconut cream pie kind of island either.  Patmos is little more than a giant. craggy rock in the Aegean Sea at the time of John's exile.  John is on this island alone.  He is old. He has been boiled alive.  All his friends and family are dead.  Lots of them John watched as they were martyred.  Honestly, if anyone was deserving of a pity party, it was our boy John.   

But John is not sitting on this lonely island feeling sorry for himself. 

John is planning a worship service.

Glutton - Part 23

Things are pretty boring here in gluttonville.

Which I suppose is a good thing.  I did have a close call this week.  And perhaps that situation bears examining.

We were at a Tex-Mex restauraunt.  I had heard nothing but good things about this place but I didn't go in there with any intention of hurling myself off the clean eating bandwagon.  I actually have over 6 weeks with no food slip ups...which is probably some kind of record.

So I sat down with confidence.

And then they brought two baskets of chips to the table.

Jesus take the wheel.

Normally chips do not tempt me.  I like them but honestly, I could care less.  But these chips were different.  They were thin.  As in so wafer like that I could see through them.  They were clearly fresh.  As in they glistened with oil.  They were salty.  As in my friend Lauren sprinkled them liberally.  But even through all that, I perservered. 

Then I opened the menu.  This establishment has an entree entitled "Elvis' Fried Chicken".  Let me try to explain something to you.  Elvis was not only the King of Rock and Roll...he was also King of the gluttons.  So when you see an item named after him on a menu, do yourself a favor and just order it because I can pretty well guarantee you, some good eatin is in your future. 

So as my friends talked, I began planning an epic fail.  First I would eat the chips.  I would not eat all of the chips but I would eat enough that my friends would begin texting each other behind my back and possibly posting about it on Facebook.  Then I would order the Elvis entree.  And I would eat half of it and then take the rest home to possibly eat in the car. But that wasn't all.  You see I had a birthday celebration planned the next night for my bestie.  I had already ordered the cake.  Why not spread this failure over 36 hours?  I imagined the crappy cereal I would eat for breakfast.  Captain Crunch!!!Bliss!!!  The Chick-fil-A spicy combo I would have for lunch.  Perfection!!!  My delicious pasta and meatballs for dinner with two pieces of garlic bread.  OMG!!!  And finally, my ultimate ending with sweet, sweet birthday cake.  MUST EAT ALL THE ROSES!!!   Then I would be right back on track first thing on Sunday.  Right?!?!? 

Wrong.  (Do you know I have never got 'right back on track first thing on Sunday' in the history of ever?)  Why do I try to convince myself this is even a possibility?

The waitress arrived and I ordered the meal I originally planned on.  I ate no chips.  I ate a totally satisfying lunch.  It was great and I didn't feel deprived. And all I can tell you is that it was definitely not my will power.  Because my will was to eat those friggin chips.  But God's will and God's power serve a higher purpose for me.  I have been ignoring that fact for far too long.

Next week we'll talk about that birthday cake. 

Lord have mercy.

Book Review - The Round House

The Round House is about a rape on an Indian reservation.

I know, right?  Doesn't this sound like the most depressing book in the history of ever?  

I thought so too.  But it won the National Book Award and it has over 600 five star reviews on Amazon. I had to at least attempt to read it.

Here's what I can tell you.  Louise Erdrich is an artist.  She has crafted a story that makes you feel without turning that story into a melodramatic bowl of nonsense.  Her characters are unique and believable.  Her plot is effortless.

Some books just make you better for having read them.  This is one of those books.

Bible Tuesday - Revelation 1

A revealing of Jesus, the Messiah. God gave it to make plain to his servants what is about to happen. He published and delivered it by Angel to his servant John. And John told everything he saw: God’s Word— the witness of Jesus Christ!
How blessed the reader! How blessed the hearers and keepers of these oracle words, all the words written in this book!

Time is just about up.
Revelation 1:1-3
 
Just reading through the first verses makes me feel good.  I'm blessed to be reading this book! Woo hoo!  And then you get to the next verse...Time is just about up.  Uh oh.

You know, as a Christian, this should make me happy.  I long for Jesus to remodel this world.  But something about just being a human makes that phrase Time is just about up scare the patoodlies outta me.  And I think a big part of that fear stems from our reluctance to really accept grace.  When Jesus returns, He is going to find me blameless.  Not because I am sister super Christian.  But because I have placed my faith in him.  That's it.  Possibly the simplest and most complex idea in the history of history.   But part of me thinks there must be some catch to the whole deal.  Some fine print I missed.  And that's why the idea of Jesus returning causes that apprehension. 

Now, if you aren't a Christian, that phrase should scare you to pieces.  "Cause Jesus is about to come down and bust hell wide open and things are gonna get ugly.  If you are one of these people who only believe in the granola eating, Kumbaya kinda Jesus, you need to keep reading.  Jesus is both love and righteous judgement.  Judgement is not punishment. This book is not about God getting even with those who refused to worship him.  This is not about revenge.  Don't lose sight of that as we go.  Revelation is going to show you exactly what that real justice looks like.