Glutton - Part 18

I am responsible for the state of my body right now.

 

My choices have led me to this place.

 

Its not the fault of my genes, my mother or the evil food industry (although none of those guys were terribly helpful either).

 

I am responsible for the state of my body next year.

 

Not my husband, my friends or that heifer little Debbie and her delicious snack cakes.

 

I am a glutton. My sinful relationship with food has damaged me physically,emotionally and spiritually.

 

I acknowledge that.

 

But I reject that description as my definition. I am defined by who God says that I am. 

I am forgiven.

I am beloved.

 

Every day God gives me is a chance to right all these wrongs. I use the title glutton because I want to rob that word of its power.  I am a child of the Most High God. I may be a glutton today but I don't have to be a glutton forever.

 

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

John 8:36

Funday

Book Review - Winter of the World

I am so scared that Ken Follett is going to die before he finishes this series.  He's not sick or anything but the amount of research it must take to write these books seems like it would be enough to kill even a healthy man. 

This book continues the story Follett began in Fall of Giants.  So remember how I annoyed my husband while reading that book?  Yeah.  I continued that tradition.  There is just so much interesting history in this book.  Why can't schools teach like this?  This book continues telling the story of the 20th century through the families Follett strategically places in several different countries.  This book specifically deals with World War 2.  It's illuminating.  It's heartbreaking.  It's infuriating.  And, from what Kevin tells me, it's all true.

This book would be a great eBook if you have that option.  It is almost 1000 pages.  And a book that heavy is just not comfortable to read.  And, yes, I am that lazy.  Thanks for asking.

November 2012

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Bible Tuesday - David Part 31

“After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years.  After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’
Acts 13:20-22

Eight months ago, I started this journey to see what this verse meant.  I'm still not sure I know.  But one thing is for certain.  David and I are gonna have a long chat in Heaven. 

After all this time, what do I know about David?

One thing I see with David over and over again is that his love for God never wavered. Did he make stupid mistakes? Yep. A whole heapin' bunch of them. But not once does He deny his love for God.   

David never gave up. And he had quite a few incentives to do so. I mean, people were trying to kill him (including his own son) for a big part of his life. That kind of thing can weigh heavy on ya. But David kept going. And maybe there is a lesson for us there. 

When I started reading the Bible, I was 28 years old.  I imagined that the Bible was full of heroes.  I expected a  bunch of stories that would make me feel bad about my pitiful self.  But as I began to study the word for the first time, I realized that the only hero in the Bible is Jesus.  The rest of the characters are just flawed people.  You see the big idea of the Bible is not that people can change, it is that God can change people.  It was comforting to find that those 'great men' of the Bible were, more often than not, just a bunch of punks like you and me.

I think, at the end of it all, David is God’s way of telling us that He understands.  David isn’t a horrible sinner that finds God and that’s the end of the story. He’s a sinner that keeps sinning.  He loves God.  He acknowledges God’s right to declare what is and is not sin.  He doesn’t blame God for the consequences of his sin.  But he also keeps on making stupid decisions right up until his last breath.  (He also raised kids with some real behavioral issues which is especially comforting to me.)

David is God’s way of reminding us that we need Him at our best and at our worst. He is a man who loves God.  That’s what sets David apart.  Not his deeds, whether good or bad.  His heart was fixed upon  God.  And maybe David is God's way of assuring us that He can love us for our intentions even when our actions fall miserably short.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

Psalm 23:6

Glutton - Part 17

Food is not drugs.

Food is not alcohol.

And as much as I want to link all these addictions together, in the end, I can't.  Because while the mechanics of all addiction are the same, recovery from food addiction has to be different. 

Hello, my name is Rachel and I am addicted to food. 

But abstinence from food is just not an option.  (It's not an option, right?)

I have to learn to live between the lines. 

But learning to live in moderation is scary.  You see I can do all.  I can do nothing.  But modulating those extremes?  That’s unchartered territory for me.  The mountain or the valley?  When the truth is that most of life is lived on the plain. 

But I had this theory.  What if I planned for failure and called it victory? 

Here's what that looks like.

I faced Halloween knowing I would eat tootsie rolls.  And guess what?   I ate tootsie rolls.  But I didn’t eat them in shame.  And I didn’t eat them while simultaneously planning how much exercise would be needed to work them off.  I just ate the dang candy. I ate it in front of my friends and my children.  Like a normal person eats candy on Halloween.  It was so weird.   And for the first time in my life I woke up on November 1^st and I felt great.   

I tried it again on Thanksgiving.  I have a deep and everlasting love for cornbread dressing.  (Only my mom's recipe.  Not whatever crap they slop together on the Food Network that involves chestnuts, sausage or , God help me, oysters.)   There is zero chance of me making it through Thanksgiving without eating it.  This year, I ate that dressing without a shred of guilt.  And you know what?  I was really thankful.

So now I embark on the Christmas holiday.  In addition to my mental preparedness, I am actually making better practical decisions too.  I am preparing stocking stuff that involves less candy.  This is always a big problem for me.  Tons of candy my kids won't eat that I, in the interest of not being wasteful, must eat for them.  My kids will be thrilled to have less sugar (not none...less) and more iTunes gift cards.  This is going to be a win/win situation.

And because I must 'keep it real', I will admit to those of you that never see me that all these great breakthroughs for the last few months have resulted in about 2 pounds of total fat loss.  At this rate, I will reach my goal about the time I can draw Social Security  benefits.  But I can feel the weight of gluttony getting lighter every day.

Funday

The Reluctant Teacher

I have been in Children's ministry since I became a Christian.  But I have never been all that happy about it.  I often compared it to the mafia.  Once you get in, you never get out.  It's not a bad comparison really. 

Nonetheless, I just always thought I was called to bigger things.  Surely God had called me to Adult ministry?  Wasn't I supposed to bring my delightful self to women's conferences and be an awesome little ambassador for Jesus.  (I didn't dwell too much on the fact that I have a debilitating fear of public speaking.  I figured God could work that out, right?)

But no matter how hard I tried to extricate myself from the nursery, I could never break free.  I even changed churches two times.  (Not to get out of nursery work but I hoped that would be a unintended consequence.)  I never got more than one month into a new church without being roped back into diaper duty.

And understand me here.  I love toddlers...big time.  I just never thought 18 month old ministry was all that important.  I wanted to change the world for Christ, set the captives free, etc.  Handing out goldfish crackers and wiping noses was not the glamorous adventure I thought God had intended for me.  But I just kept finding myself doing just that. 

What kept me going for a long time was the idea that I was helping, in some small way, people meet Jesus.  When I started going to church, I had two toddlers.  Had they not been well cared for and entertained by some hardworking children's ministry workers, I may not have continued to attend church.  And had that happened, I would not have given my life to Christ.  So I reasoned that that role was important and that idea kept me going back week after week.

But I was wrong about that. 

Somewhere along the way, I learned that children's ministry is a much bigger deal than just glorified babysitting.  I realized what an awesome responsibility and honor it was to be the first person to introduce a child to Jesus.  Why did it take so long for me to figure that out?

There's no deep theology in the preschool department.  We don't talk about Greek and Hebrew.  We don't debate predestination or eschatology.  (And don't misunderstand me, I LOVE all that stuff.)  We sing songs about thanking God for goldfish.  We sing "Jesus Loves Me".  And, at the end of it all, if the only gospel you ever know is the words to that song, you are probably in good shape.

^"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..."
Zechariah 4:10

The Christmas Spirit

Every dang year I post this video.  You never watch it, do you?  I know.  You think you have heard every version of this song.  You like "insert artist's name here" version better.  You think there is nothing here that can compete with the 67 versions you have heard on the radio just this week.

Well all I can tell you is that you're wrong.  This song is so good, I feel that they should have stopped recording songs after this because, seriously?  What's the point? 

Just listen to it.  THE WHOLE THING!  I wouldn't steer you wrong people.  This song will make an atheist start shopping at Lifeway.  Trust me on this one.

Bible Tuesday - David Part 30

I'm just not ready to be done with David :(  

Unfortunately, I don't get a choice.

Now these are the last words of David:

The oracle of David, the son of Jesse,
the oracle of the man who was raised on high,
the anointed of the God of Jacob,
the sweet psalmist of Israel:

“The Spirit of the Lord speaks by me;
his word is on my tongue.
The God of Israel has spoken;
the Rock of Israel has said to me:
When one rules justly over men,
ruling in the fear of God,
he dawns on them like the morning light,
like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning,
like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth.

“For does not my house stand so with God?
For he has made with me an everlasting covenant,
ordered in all things and secure.
For will he not cause to prosper
all my help and my desire?
But worthless men are all like thorns that are thrown away,
for they cannot be taken with the hand;
but the man who touches them
arms himself with iron and the shaft of a spear,
and they are utterly consumed with fire.”
2 Samuel 23:1-7

In case we get too enamored of our boy Dave, let's not forget a few things that happened before his death.

Now King David was old and advanced in years. And although they covered him with clothes, he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, “Let a young woman be sought for my lord the king, and let her wait on the king and be in his service. Let her lie in your arms, that my lord the king may be warm.” So they sought for a beautiful young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very beautiful, and she was of service to the king and attended to him, but the king knew her not.
1 Kings 1:1-4

Some things never change...and David's love for the ladies is one of them.  I am not disputing the Bible here but seriously?  I am pretty sure a big fat ugly person could have provided David with all the warmth he required.  Or better yet Dave!  How about a big fire and a nice fur rug? 

And then there's this.

When David's time to die drew near, he commanded Solomon his son, saying, “I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man,  and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn,  that the Lord may establish his word that he spoke concerning me, saying, ‘If your sons pay close attention to their way, to walk before me in faithfulness with all their heart and with all their soul, you shall not lack a man on the throne of Israel.’
1 Kings 2:1-4

So far, so good.

And there is something else. You know what Joab son of Zeruiah did to me when he murdered my two army commanders, Abner son of Ner and Amasa son of Jether. He pretended that it was an act of war, but it was done in a time of peace, staining his belt and sandals with innocent blood.Do with him what you think best, but don’t let him grow old and go to his grave in peace.

And remember Shimei son of Gera, the man from Bahurim in Benjamin. He cursed me with a terrible curse as I was fleeing to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan River, I swore by the Lord that I would not kill him.  But that oath does not make him innocent. You are a wise man, and you will know how to arrange a bloody death for him.”
1 Kings 2:5-6, 8-9

This sweet little father-son chat just went sour in a hurry, didn't it?  How about "Be a good boy Solomon"  or "Take care of your mama"? 

Some people confess on their death bed.  But David spends his last precious minutes plotting revenge.  After all these weeks studying David, I still kinda want to pinch his head off.  Don't you?

So David son of Jesse reigned over all Israel.  He reigned over Israel for forty years, seven of them in Hebron and thirty-three in Jerusalem.  He died at a ripe old age, having enjoyed long life, wealth, and honor.
1 Chronicles 29:26-28

Glutton - Part 16

Here is the scripture that I have been pondering on for a while.

So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
James 2:17

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
James 4:17

Ya'll, James is all up in my business these days.  And just because he is right doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

It's hard for me to accept that I am not going to wake up tomorrow morning completely healed in regards to my obesity and food addiction.  Especially because I know God has the power to do it.  He could at this moment eliminate my desire for anything I should not eat.  But He isn't going to do that.  And I believe He is not going to do that because His plan is for me to glorify Him through this struggle.  And, no, I have no idea exactly how I am supposed to do that.  But if I didn't truly believe that God had a plan to redeem all this nonsense, I would just shut down this blog and go eat a bowl of doughnuts.

And I feel such an urgency to make a change.  Not because of some arbitrary deadline.  There's is no reunion, no contest, no health crisis.  But can such a crisis be far off?  I am ridiculously healthy for a fat person.  But that's kind of akin to saying that I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day but I don't have lung cancer...yet.  The fact that God has blessed with me with better health than I deserve so far doesn't mean that the natural consequence of all this abuse I have heaped upon my body is nullified. 

But this whole deal has to start somewhere.  So here it is.

I am going to start drinking water.

Stop laughing.  I know it's the lamest diet tweak ever.  But after reading diet books and articles for the better part of two decades, a few items show up consistently. And drinking water is one of the big ones.  Do I think I am going to drop 7 pounds in 7 days just through the miracle of water?  Nope.

I'm not going to drink only water.  I'm not going to drink gallons of water.  I am not going to supplement my water with weight loss enhancing herbs.  I'm just gonna drink some water every day whether I like it or not.

And I think the 'like it or not' may be step on a path to freedom.

Hang with me here.

I am not a morning person.  My optimal life would be awake at 10AM and back to bed for the night at 2AM.  I do not like getting up at 5AM every morning.  In fact I HATE it.  But guess what, I have been doing it consistently for the last ten years.  My life with school age children requires that I get up early...so I do. 

So what if a healthy life at a healthy weight required me to choke down a reasonable amount of water every day?

I'm realizing that I don't have to like everything I do.  I just have to do it

Funday

Evangelical

Between the presidential election and the book I am currently reading, I feel like the term 'evangelical" is something I should hide from.  But, the thing is, I am not ashamed of what 'evangelical' really means.  I am ashamed of what that term has come to depict.

Here's Jim Wallis' definition.  (If you don't read him...you should.)

The biggest mistake the religious right made was to make the word "evangelical" a political term. Evangelical is a theological commitment, not a political one. It's about the centrality of Christ and the authority of the Bible. It's following Jesus and our obedience to the Scriptures that leads us to defend the poor, protect the most vulnerable, welcome the stranger, seek racial reconciliation and justice, be good stewards of the environment and peacemakers in a world of war.

Seriously.  YES!!! 

While most evangelicals are still "pro-life," abortion is not their only concern. Not all are convinced that Republicans have the best answers to all the life issues. While most evangelicals are strongly committed to strengthening family life, not all think equal rights for gay and lesbian people are a threat to the family. Poverty reduction, immigration reform, a consistent life ethic, the care of environmental protection, a less militaristic foreign policy and a deep commitment to racial and economic justice are all issues of concern.
 

Ok, I think I am good now.  I feel a whole lot better...really :)

 

Glutton - Part 15

I am almost pre-defeated (is that a word?) by this knowledge. 

I am slapped in the face with the realization that, this time, I am gonna have to go it alone.  No Nutri-system.  No Jenny Craig.  No gastric bypass.  No patches.  No shots.  No pills. No shortcuts.  (Dangitt!!!!)  The idea that there is nothing I can purchase on Amazon that will help me is depressing.  I know that I have to do this. I know that the only answer is to acknowledge that I am a glutton.  And gluttony is sin.  Period.  We can dance around this but you know it’s true and so do I.   My sin is not that I sneak spoonfuls of ice cream, it is that I am never satisfied.  None of the copious blessings that God has showered upon me are enough to fill me up.

As I look around my home, I see evidence of it everywhere.  What kind of people have continuous donations to Goodwill?  Why does so much stuff come into this house?  I commit to organizing as much as I do to diet.  I feel sure there is a connection.  I must give myself something.  If it’s not food, it has to be some new thing from the craft store or some unique thingie from eBay.  I find it a bit ironic that someone with such low self-esteem feels the need to reward herself all the dang time.  When the biggest problems in your life are too much food and too much stuff, it’s time to admit to God that you are living in a cesspool of sin.

 

"Hey God.  I am living in a cesspool of sin."

 

I feel a whole lot better now that that is out of the way.

And I come to God empty because I am continually too full.  Too full of food? Yes.  But so much more than that.  Too full of my goals, my worries, my wants, my slights.  Too full of extremes, perfectionism and regret.  Too full of Rachel for God to have any room to move. 

Funday