Glutton - Part 11

I don't have a "before" picture.  Oh sure, there are lots of pictures of me out there.  Most of them taken against my will on then posted on Facebook (stop doing that please!)  But I don't have a "Here is my fat self at the beginning" picture.  It's not that I have anything against such a photo.  I just don't think one image could contain all of my 'before'. 

My husband loves to take my picture.  He snaps it and then wants me to look at it.  I never want to look and it always upsets him.  He loves me.  He (inexplicably) doesn't detest my fat self.  And he just wants a picture with his wife. There's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, it's kinda sweet.   But for me, those pictures only represent defeat.

What is the biggest failure in your life?  Can you visualize it?   Now imagine if that failure could be captured in a photo.  Would you be thrilled to 'share' that with your friends and family? That's what pictures mean to me.  I carry my failure with me everywhere I go.  I am not fooling anyone.  I cannot hide.  But somehow, I convince myself that it isn't that bad.  Until I see a picture and I'm struck by how much worse it is than I ever imagined.

I just wish you could see me the way God sees me. 

I just wish I could see me the way God sees me.

When God looks at me, He sees how hard I have struggled.  He sees how much I have tried.  He sees how I refuse to give up.  He knows my 'before'.  And He knows my 'after'.  When God looks at me, He sees Jesus.  God is not ashamed of me.  He delights in me.

Last Sunday three different pictures were taken of me.  In one I am singing to my two year olds at church.  In another I am leading them around the hallways.  In the third I am celebrating Kevin's birthday with our family.  Ya'll, can I just say this?  I look like a big chubby housewife in every one of those pictures. But for the first time, I made myself actually look at the images.  And guess what else I noticed.   I am really happy in all of those pictures.  And that answers a very difficult question I have been asking.   Do I want to be fat forever?  Nope.  Do I plan to be fat forever?  Nope? Can I enjoy the life that God has blessed me with if my before never becomes my after?  Yes.