Parenting - Part 2

I almost feel like this lady is stalking me. Amy Chua must have majored in marketing. You can't write a book like this and not expect the American public to go insane. But she insists that she is completely shocked at the response. I ain't buying this defense. If I wanted to start some nonsense, I could go to Facebook right now and post something about working moms versus stay at home moms or breastfeeding versus bottlefeeding and have every friend I have in a total uproar by the end of the day. (I would never do such a stupid thing, I'm just creating an example.) People are very sensitive about their choices as parents. So am I. So that's why I find it impossible to believe that Ms Chua wasn't well aware of the uproar she would create. When I first saw her on the Today show, I didn't pay much attention. I really do have strong opinions about pretty much everything but I don't have the mental energy to spend on every crackpot who writes about their parenting methods. And also, I keep reminding myself that it's not really my business.

But she kept making it my business. Everywhere I looked, there she was. They even did a review in The Economist. THE ECONOMIST PEOPLE!!! Only nerds like my husband read The Economist (which is how I happened to stumble upon the review, btw.) Let me admit I have not read this book. Normally I would feel that fact precludes me from talking about it. Maybe there's a ton of info in it that the media has ignored? Maybe she's not actually nuts? Maybe she has a good reason for thinking that forcing a kid to rehearse 3 hours a day is ok. (Who actually has three free hours available. That stuns me.) Maybe there's a good reason you would throw a birthday card your kid made you back in their face? Wait...nevermind on that one. there actually can't be any good reason a parent would do that. (Unless it said "Happy Birthday Mom. I hate your guts.") But my favorite rabbi, Schmuley Boteach, weighed in with his opinion, and as usual I agreed with him. Here's some of his response. Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing here.

Sure, we can all agree with Chua that TV and video games are a waste of time and I endorse her call for far greater discipline in parenting. But where does selflessness figure in the values by which she raises her children? Should every child really be raised believing that the greatest gift they can give the world is to inflict their vast achievement on it?

Indeed her book has generated such a wide readership precisely because American parents seem so much more interested these days in raising successful rather than good children, kids who excel at making money rather than making friends, at obtaining status rather than obtaining wisdom, at winning championships rather than championing a cause larger than themselves.

Here's the thing. I want my kids to be successful, sure. But more than anything I want them to be soulful and moral. Yes, I would like to see them prosper, afford nice things, and earn the admiration of their peers. But damn it, if money and status become more important to them than being ethical, altruistic, and giving then I have utterly failed as a parent.

Yes. Yes. 1000 times yes. Let me give you an example of how this looks in a real family. Katie is no big fan of car rides. None of the kids really are. She was helping Ava with a school project when we had to interrupt to make the trip to Lebanon to pick up the minivan from the repair shop. She had the option of making the 40 minute round trip with us or going back to her mom's house. She chose to take the trip so she could help Ava finish. That was a completely unselfish thing for her to do. I know she would have much rather skipped the trip and headed back to her mom early. I will take that kind of behavior over a good report card any day of the week. (Katie makes straight A's but that wasn't my point.)

In Ms Chua's defense, her strategy worked. Her book is a bestseller. She has completely saturated the media market. And a chubby housewife wrote a blog post about it.

Mission Accomplished!