Book Review - The Giver

Do you get tired of me saying that a book changed my life?

Well, tough noogies, cuz this one did it again.

A few chapters in, I breathed this prayer.  "Thank you God for joy."  I thought I had this whole book figured out.   It was about life without happiness.  The story (and forgive me, it's a bit hard to explain) is about a boy named Jonas.  Jonas lives in what can ironically be described as a 'planned community".  Everything is decided for you.  Everyone is obscenely polite.  Everyone does what they are supposed to do.  (There's a lot more to it but I want to experience it via the author and not by my clumsy retelling.) 

All the kids in the community receive their career assignments at age 12.  Jonas is assigned to be the new keeper of memory.  That person holds all the memories for the community.  And he (the giver) starts to transfer those memories to Jonas.  At first Jonas is getting really good memories.  He sees color for the first time.  He experiences snow.  He learns the word 'love'.  And then he has to start receiving the bad memories.  He relives war, and death, and pain, and hunger and loneliness. 

And that's when it hit me.  Without pain, there is no joy.  Once Jonas begins to receive the memories, he realizes that all the emotions he thought he had before were just shallow imitations of the real thing.  And that is just a hard reality, isn't it?

The community has no passion.  Couples are matched and they marry.  But they don't have a marital relationship. They don't divorce, which sounds kinda awesome. They don't fight, which also sounds great.  But they also don't have any physical relationship.  And sure, that eliminates the whole adultery problem.  But it also eliminates the whole 'your husband grabs you in the kitchen and kisses you like he is serious about the deal' situation also.  I gotta tell ya.  I am not willing to give that up.  And admitting that means that I am saying that the joy of my relationship with my husband now is worth the cost of the pain from my former marriage. 

And so as I finished The Giver, I breathed a different prayer.  "Thank you God for the pain."

Bible Tuesday - David Part 26

Despite David's pleas for mercy, Absalom meets a bad end.

Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s hair got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going.
2 Samuel 18:9

I feel bad about laughing here.  I know it's sad but it's just a funny scenario...except for the murder that's about to go down.

“Enough of this nonsense,” Joab said. Then he took three daggers and plunged them into Absalom’s heart as he dangled, still alive, in the great tree. Ten of Joab’s young armor bearers then surrounded Absalom and killed him.
2 Samuel 18:14-15

Despite all that Absalom had done to him, David was distraught over his death.

The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.”
2 Samuel 18:33

David's men were not too happy about all this boo hooing over Absalom.

Then Joab went to the king’s room and said to him, “We saved your life today and the lives of your sons, your daughters, and your wives and concubines. Yet you act like this, making us feel ashamed of ourselves.  You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that your commanders and troops mean nothing to you. It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased. Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before.”
2 Samuel 19: 5-7

Ya'll, I am starting to think I should have done a series of Joab.  Can you imagine how hard giving that speech must have been?  Depending on the King and his mood, this is the kinda statement that could land you at the bottom of a well.  Watch how David responds.

So the king went out and took his seat at the town gate, and as the news spread throughout the town that he was there, everyone went to him.
2 Samuel 19:8

So here we have yet another example of David receiving a pretty harsh rebuke and not only accepting it but demonstrating real repentance.  David is not just saying "I'm sorry.  You are right."  He is taking action to change his behavior. 

Glutton - Part 10

Gluttony is the sin that almost everyone condones. 

“Have just one bite.” 

"It's Christmas for goodness sake!"

"Granny made this just for you.  It will break her heart if you don't eat it."

You’ve heard all these.  I could go on for pages but, really, haven’t you suffered enough? 

But here's the hard question.  Would any other sin earn you this kind of pass?   If you admitted to your women’s bible study group that you were embezzling from your employer, would they coo over you in sympathy and blame it on menopause?  If you confided to your pastor that you were having an affair, would he say “I have the same problem every Thanksgiving?”  (And if any of these answers are “Yes”, you might want to consider finding another church.  Good grief!)

And while these scenarios seem comical, they are pretty accurate in regards to gluttony.  I know we hate to admit it but Christians are really good at picking on sins that don't tempt them.  That's why your 40 something, married for 22 years type Christians rail against pre-marital sex and birth control.  They do not struggle with that so it's easy for them to decide that these are the most heinous possible sins.  But gluttony?  That hits a bit too close to home.

Walk into most American churches and try to give a sermon on gluttony.  Good luck my friend.  Chances are very good you ain't receiving a love offering and you are definitely not getting invited to the monthly potluck supper.  Too bad buddy.  Miss Emma makes a kick butt peach cobbler and you are getting none of it. 

Is eating peach cobbler a sin?   Nope.  Is hoping the sermon is over quick today so you can run down to the fellowship hall and be first in line for the peach cobbler a sin?  Well...kinda.

Here is the truth.  Not only has the church condoned gluttony as a sin, most of them have institutionalized it. Jesus told us to feed the hungry.  When are we gonna stop feeding ourselves long enough to try that? 

And look, there are lots of churches out there that are doing great work.  They are following the commands of Christ in a way that is more than admirable.  But if your congregation is filled with people that are obese it may be time to acknowledge that maybe not all of us are 'big boned'.  Maybe it's time to admit that we are a big ol' bunch of sinners.  And in this case the plank in our own eye just might be a stick of butter.

 

 

Funday

 

 

 

 

Bible Tuesday - David Part 25

David is on the run...still.  (Our boy Dave spends an awful lot of time on the run, doesn't he?)  Absalom is determined to kill his father.  Military defeat is not gonna work. 

Ahithophel said to Absalom, “I would choose twelve thousand men and set out tonight in pursuit of David.  I would attack him while he is weary and weak. I would strike him with terror, and then all the people with him will flee. I would strike down only the king and bring all the people back to you. The death of the man you seek will mean the return of all; all the people will be unharmed.”  This plan seemed good to Absalom and to all the elders of Israel
2 Samuel 17 1-4


And despite all that Absalom has done, David still demanded mercy for his son. 
The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.
2 Samuel 18:5

A man after God's own heart desires redemption and restoration for his sons.  Even when those sons declare themselves as his enemy.

Glutton - Part 9

I'm feeling something strange about this journey. 

I think it's hope.

And yet...

I want to eat.  I’m not hungry.  I just want to put food into my mouth.  Do drug addicts and alcoholics do this?  Do they visualize what it would be like to just give in?  I know there are chocolate covered graham crackers in the cabinet. (Blast those dang elves and their irresisitable cookies!)  I know what they taste like.  I know how the smooth chocolate feels when it gives way to the crunchy cookie.  I also know that I couldn’t eat ONE cookie without a struggle.

I can’t focus on any good thing in my life because I want a cookie and I can’t have one.  I hope that is the most immature, selfish thing I ever have to admit.  But it’s the truth.  I want to eat a cookie.  And I am throwing a tantrum over it that would rival any three year old.  Sure, I’m not lying on the kitchen floor kicking and screaming (although I would like to.) But I am walking around my house in a sulk.  Ignoring my sweet husband.  Grumbling at the washer and dryer and feeling very passive-aggressive toward the dog. What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I just want what God wants for me?  Freedom, victory, peace.  And every now and again ONE cookie.  It sounds simple enough and yet I have struggled with it for 25 years.

The problem for gluttons is that resolutions made while you are (over) full have to be walked out when you are hungry.

Tomorrow is the most dangerous drug for a glutton.  You can’t accuse us of being pessimists.  We always think tomorrow will be better.  In fact, we’re sure of it.  But today…today is killing us.  And tomorrow always somehow becomes just another today.

Some days the only victory you can claim is that you DID NOT eat the cookie.  And some days that’s more than enough.

 

Funday

Excuses

This blog is on vacation for a few days because...

I guess there are a few reasons.

1.  I have been working on another website.  My friend Lauren came up with this great idea and I am helping her create something.  It has grown, evolved and just generally morphed into something kinda awesome.  I am woefully behind because Fall Break means not a whole lot gets accomplished at Kline Manor.

Here's the website though.

www.nashvillefunforfamilies.com

"Like" us on Facebook. And "Follow" us on Twitter And "Follow" our boards on Pinterest

Ok, end of shameless self-promotion.

2.  It is the middle of marching band competition season.  This week is Contest of Champions.  The week after is USSBA state finals.  I am consumed with the Band of Gold.  And, seriously, is that not the story of my life?   Speaking of being consumed with band....I talked to a lady my age yesterday who performs in the Cedar Creek Community Band.  And, ya'll, something fluttered inside me when she started talking about it.  I have a perfectly good clarinet just sitting in my dining room.  Would it be nuts if I tried to play again? 

(And, yes, I get that it is nuts to contemplate yet another life commitment within a post complaining about having too many life commitments.  Welcome to my world!)

Back next week.  It may not be worth waiting for...but I will be back :)

Bible Tuesday - David Part 24

When David had gone a short distance beyond the summit, there was Ziba, the steward of Mephibosheth, waiting to meet him. He had a string of donkeys saddled and loaded with two hundred loaves of bread, a hundred cakes of raisins, a hundred cakes of figs and a skin of wine.
The king asked Ziba, “Why have you brought these?”
Ziba answered, “The donkeys are for the king’s household to ride on, the bread and fruit are for the men to eat, and the wine is to refresh those who become exhausted in the wilderness.”
The king then asked, “Where is your master’s grandson?”
Ziba said to him, “He is staying in Jerusalem, because he thinks, ‘Today the Israelites will restore to me my grandfather’s kingdom.’”
Then the king said to Ziba, “All that belonged to Mephibosheth is now yours.”
2 Samuel 16:1-4

Remember Mephibosheth?

David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”  Now there was a servant of Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David, and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?”
“At your service,” he replied. The king asked, “Is there no one still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?”  Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in both feet.”  “Where is he?” the king asked.
Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.”  So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel.  When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor.  David said, “Mephibosheth!”  “At your service,” he replied.  “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.”   Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?”   Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.)  Then Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.
2 Samuel 9: 1-13

I know this is a long passage...but it's important.  Mephibosheth was King Saul's grandson.  He was handicapped.  When Saul and his father Johnathan died, he had nothing.  King David honored him as way to honor his covenant with Jonathan.  At the time, Mephibosheth was humbled by that honor.

But things change.  And when David showed a sign of weakness by being outwitted by his son Absalom, well Mephibosheth thought it might be his turn to rule and reign. 

Can you identify at all with David here?  He has been betrayed by his son and by people he has been VERY good to.  He is really having a very bad time of it.  David wrote two Psalms during this period.  Look how he responds to these betrayals.

Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
 Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”

 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

Psalm 3:1-3

 

 

You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God will glory in him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Psalm 63

 

Look at where David's focus is.  He has been driven out of his palace.  His life is in grave danger.  And David knows that God has not forsaken him.  His focus is not on his situation.  It's on the God who can rescue and save and protect.

 

 

Glutton - The Getaway

So at this point, setting the glutton free has to go from ' cute idea' to 'real life application'.  I hate this part by the way.

So to that end, Kevin took the glutton on a romantic getaway.  Let me give you an idea of how this would normally work.  1) At least four days of eating whatever prior to the trip under the assumption that I am going to eat like a starved prisoner at all the great places my husband is going to take me to. 2) Upon arrival (or even starting in the car or airplane) - actually eating like a starved prisoner at all the great places he takes me to.  3)  At least 4 days of unrestricted eat-a-palooza after the return.  This is mostly depression eating because the trip is over and reality is no fun.

The crux of my journey is to learn from the  copious mistakes of my past.  So based upon the above paragraph, I planned for this trip.  I ate NO sugar in advance of leaving.  I packed no crap, of any kind in the car.  I did pack a variety of great, acceptable food to keep in the cabin.  NOT diet food.  Acceptable food that did not contain sugar or flour.  I also packed 4 sticks of butter because come on, you never know when you are gonna need to fatten up a food to get you over a rough spot.  Butter is like methadone for the carb addict in case you didnt know.

Day one.  We arrive.  I DO NOT eat one cruddy product from a convenience store.  Why does every gas station have a Krispy Kreme counter now?  This is my kryptonite!  We eat dinner at a decent place.  Not a gourmet paradise because we are starving and unwilling to wait.  I have a great meal and don't feel deprived in the least.  As we walk around after dinner, Kevin makes a beeline to the Ben and Jerry's ice cream store.  (Have I mentioned that Kevin is a diabetic?)  I am not gonna lie to you here.  I wanted Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  But it wasn't an overwhelming need so I passed and barely hated my husband at all for eating it in front of me. 

Day two.  Perfect relaxing day.  I hardly think about food at all.  When I experience times like these, I'm always struck by the fact that a lot of you are this way all the time.  Just living life without spending any serious amount of time contemplating why pumpkin tastes so delicious in every friggin thing.  I envy you...in a big way.  We had dinner at one of my favorite places.  The first uh oh was the salad dressing.  It's just almost impossible to get a commercially prepared dressing without unnecessary sugar.  I wanted the salad so I ate the dressing but this deal taught me a good lesson.  I ain't going out to eat anymore without my homeemade dressing.  I will get a fancy thermos style bag and just throw it in my purse.  If the idea of me pulling out my squeezie bottle offends you, don't invite me to lunch..or dinner...or whatever.

The rest of the meal was great.  Lots of carby sides but they didn't look good enough to cause me to crack.

When we returned to the cabin, it happened. 

I ate the malted milk ball.
And it wasn't just your garden variety Whopper.  It was a fancy pants, covered in two inches of belgian chocolate type candy.  Merciful Lord...it was fantastic.
And then I ate another one.
And then I did something crazy. 
I stopped.
Did I want to eat more malted milk balls?
Yes.  Yes I did.
I wanted to eat the whole bag, then get in the car, drive down the mountain, buy another bag and eat it too.
But I didn't.
And not eating more felt bad.
And here's what I discovered.

Feeling bad is ok. 

Funday

Quoted

 

To have faith in Christ means to cease trying to win God’s favor by one’s own character.

 

– J. Gresham Machen

Book Review - The Age of Desire

 

 

Do you like Edith Wharton?  If so, this book will be semi enjoyable to you.  It's a fictional account of Edith's affair with some dude. 

 

 

It's hard to even call it fiction.  The author had copious letters written to and from Edith and had her diary.  There should be some literary term for 'the facts are true but I made up the details' stories.

 

So Edith is married.  But it is a sexless, passionless (is that a word?) and loveless marriage.   Once you see the extent to which her husband is clearly manic-depressive, it's hard to be real mad at her for having an affair.  But the affair is pitiful.   Edith is almost 40 and the dude is much younger.  She is way needy, clingy and what not.  It's embarrassing for me as a similar aged woman to read because I feel bad for Edith.  She is just so completely inexperienced.  And the affair?  I would hardly call this deal an affair.  The build up takes literal years in Edith's life and the actual affair consists of three encounters.

 

But in defense of the author, it's probably hard to sell a book called 'The Age of Writing a bunch of moony letters back and forth with a gigolo who never loved you in the first place."

 



 

Bible Tuesday - David Part 23

Ok.  Confession time.  I had no idea this David thing would go on for so long.  I had three points I wanted to make about David when I started this.  After 22 posts, I have made ONE of them.  So, first, I want to say thank you for hanging with me.  I know it hasn't been easy.  And, second, I want to warn you that I have no idea how long this is going to go,  I keep wanting to skip stuff but I feel like God led me here for a reason and I really don't want to miss it. 

Where were we?

Oh yeah.  David and his son Absalom have made up after that rape, murder, banishment situation.  Surely things are gonna go well from here on out?  Right?!?!

In the course of time, Absalom provided himself with a chariot and horses and with fifty men to run ahead of him.  He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, “What town are you from?” He would answer, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.” Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you.” And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that they receive justice.” Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him.  Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the people of Israel.
2 Samuel 15:1-6

So clearly Absalom is still harboring a bit of resentment towards dear old dad.  Long story short, Absalom cons his way into the hearts of the people and declares himself King.  Kinda makes your teen mouthing off to you at the dinner table seem like no big deal now doesn't it?

David flees Jerusalem and those loyal to him follow.

But David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot. All the people with him covered their heads too and were weeping as they went up.
1 Samuel 15:30

I love that David responds to this situation in this way.  No ego driven boasting and bravado.  His kid has betrayed him.  His friends have denied him.  His people have abandoned him.  And David weeps.  A man after God's own heart is not afraid to weep when the situation warrants it.  But you know what my favorite part is?  David was 'weeping as he went".  Yes, he was weeping.  But ya'll, he was still going.  His sorrow did not keep him from putting one foot in front of the other on the road that God had prepared for him.

Glutton - Part 7

If I'm completely honest, I would have to admit that I am just as addicted to diets as I am to sugar. 

I love diets.

Being a glutton often means being hopeless.  I love that diets represent possibility.  And, sure, my rational brain understands that diets (of any kind) have a very small success rate.  My life proves this to me daily.  But the idea that something could work?  Well that is pretty irresistible to a glutton.

So I am trying hard to break my diet addiction.  Which means that I don't need to buy the women's magazines that feature a new diet each week.  I still buy them.  But I have realized that I don't need to.  Progress!!!

Basically if you aren't addicted to diets, then you probably have no idea that 85% of diet advice is just the same 'tips' recycled over and over again.  You will find these in your local paper, major magazines, and television spots (most often around the 1st of the year.) 

Here is the diet advice I never ever want to hear again.  Ever.  I mean it.

      1.  Drink Plenty of water.

I wish someone would introduce me to the person who does not know this. I assume they live next door to Bigfoot and ride a unicorn to work everyday. We know water is good for us. We know we should drink more. Guess why we don’t do it? Because water tastes like water!!! If scientists cared about our water consumption they would figure out a way to make it taste like Coca Cola. And please stop telling me how our bodies were designed to drink only pure delicious water. I seriously need you to give me a break. Two hundred years ago, it would not be uncommon for you to drink water that your horse was standing in and your neighbor was washing clothes in. Our bodies are amazing machines. Modern day chemicals are probably killing us but iced tea never hurt anybody.
   

2.      Use a smaller plate to limit portion sizes.

 

Ya'll...I feel so stupid.  I have been fat my whole life and the answer was so simple.  Just use a smaller plate!  Has anyone, fat or thin, ever used this technique successfully?  I guess if you were eating at a “One Plate” buffet, this might limit the calories you consume but as those type of establishments don’t exist, I think we’re in trouble with this tip.  It just assumes that we won’t get up and fill the plate again doesn’t it?  I know fat people are supposed to be lazy but how far is it to the kitchen?

        3.  Park farther away.  Use the stairs.

Not one person in the history of EVER has lost weight doing this.  Let me stun you with a little thing I like to call arithmetic.  If you walk up a flight of steps for ONE HOUR, you will burn 500 calories.  This number is kinda misleading because, let’s face it, you ain’t gonna walk up steps for 60 minutes.  If you are anything like me , you might climb steps for 20 minutes and spend the next 40 at the ER.  But I digress.  So walking up a flight of steps burns about 29 calories.  Walking from a far parking spot will probably be around the same.  Is that small amount of exercise good for your overall health?  Sure.  Everyone could benefit from a less sedentary lifestyle. But if you think taking the stairs is all the exercise you will ever need to lose weight, you are gonna end up still fat and real annoyed.

      4.   Drink a big glass of water before each meal.

See my response to #1.  Also, this tip just assumes that I overeat because I am hungry.  This seems to be an assumption by many.  Here's the truth people.  No one ever eats a Little Debbie snack cake because they are hungry and they believe that the cake will alleviate that hunger.  We eat snack cakes because they are friggin delicious.  If you really want to help the obese, how 'bout you start producing snack cakes that taste like beets? 

     5. Keep celery sticks in your fridge to snack on.

Seriously? 

Just assume that this might work...for one day.  I bet all of us could make it 24 hours just nibbling on celery sticks as a snack.  But how many of us could maintain this for more than a day without losing our will to live?  The main problem with this tip is that  a whole cup full of celery is 19 calories.  Not sure if you are aware of this but calories are actually a real thing...not just numbers that tell you if food is 'bad' or 'good'.  19 calories won't provide you with enough energy to shut the fridge door.  Which means you will keep eating celery...over and over again until , in a fit of hunger induced rage, you will stomp into the kitchen and consume an entire box of Club crackers.  So really, celery kind of makes you gain weight.  I'd stay away from it.

I don't think any of these tips are bad ideas.  But please oh please don't try to convince me that this is the answer to the obesity crisis.   And FYI, I don't have the answer.  Just in case you were hoping I would share it.  If you, by any chance, do have the answer, I would be willing to write you a check for one gazillion dollars in exchange for it.