Bible Tuesday - David Part 16

When David heard that Uriah had not gone home, he summoned him and asked, “What’s the matter? Why didn’t you go home last night after being away for so long?” Uriah replied, “The Ark and the armies of Israel and Judah are living in tents, and Joab and my master’s men are camping in the open fields. How could I go home to wine and dine and sleep with my wife? I swear that I would never do such a thing.”
2 Samuel 11:10-11

I feel so bad for Uriah. This guy is just genuinely good. It breaks my heart. And poor, stupid, sinful David...what the heck is he supposed to do now?

“Well, stay here today,” David told him, “and tomorrow you may return to the army.” So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem that day and the next. Then David invited him to dinner and got him drunk. But even then he couldn’t get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.
1 Samuel 11:12-13

David is now desperate.  He has tried over and over to con Uriah into sleeping with his wife with no success.  And this deal just goes from bad to worse.

So the next morning David wrote a letter to Joab and gave it to Uriah to deliver.  The letter instructed Joab, “Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.”  So Joab assigned Uriah to a spot close to the city wall where he knew the enemy’s strongest men were fighting.  And when the enemy soldiers came out of the city to fight, Uriah the Hittite was killed along with several other Israelite soldiers.
2 Samuel 11:14-17

There's no way to sugar-coat this situation.  David slept with his friend's wife.  He got her pregnant.  And when he couldn't figure out a way to pass his child off as Uriah's, David murdered him.

And you know what I really hate?  I hate that David killed Uriah in such a cowardly way. 

What happened to our brave young David who took on Goliath? 

It just gets more horrible.  Joab (who is an informed accessory to Uriah's murder) concocts this elaborate story to send back to David.  I assume it is his way of telling David that Uriah has been killed while making it look like it happened in the midst of a great battle.  This is how David responds.

“Well, tell Joab not to be discouraged,” David said. “The sword devours this one today and that one tomorrow! Fight harder next time, and conquer the city!”
2 Samuel 11:25

It's real hard not to hate David's guts at this point.

So let's ignore David for a bit and focus on Uriah.  A good man who served his king and his country.  A man who had real integrity.  And reading this story it's hard not to think that Uriah is just a biblical footnote. 

But God doesn't treat Uriah that way.

This is a record of the ancestors of Jesus the Messiah, a descendant of David and of Abraham:

² Abraham was the father of Isaac.
Isaac was the father of Jacob.
Jacob was the father of Judah and his brothers.

Boaz was the father of Obed (whose mother was Ruth).

Obed was the father of Jesse.

⁶ Jesse was the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon (whose mother was Bathsheba, the widow of Uriah).
⁷ Solomon was the father of Rehoboam.
Rehoboam was the father of Abijah.

¹⁶ Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary.
Mary gave birth to Jesus, who is called the Messiah.
Matthew 1:1,2,6,7,16

God remembered Uriah.

Orlando Part 3

Another slideshow design by Smilebox We went to Orlando so Kevin could attend Microsoft's Tech-Ed conference.  Being associated with Microsoft has perks and we took full advantage.  Early in the week, Microsoft hosted a party for MVP's at Dave and Buster's.  We planned to take the kids, get a regular table and then the kids could play while Kevin mingled with the other nerds.  We arrived to find a 90 minute wait for a table (imagine that).  The organizer of the MVP event invited all 7 of us into the private reception.  We had all the free food and drinks we could swallow.  That's a lot in case you were wondering.  Then they gave all the kids pre-loaded game cards.  Basically each kid got the amount we would normally make them split between the five of them.  No kids in all of Orlando were happier than the furious five that night.  We left that joint overflowing with cheap prizes from the gazillion tickets the girls won plus enough T-shirts to outfit a small army...or our extended family. On the last day of the trip, Microsoft bought out Universal Studios for the evening.  Kevin managed to gather up enough free passes to take him and all the girls.  (Ava and I stayed at the room.  We were theme parked out.)  All the food, drinks and fun were FREE.  They got to eat a meal at the Three Broomsticks in Harry Potter land and consumed copious amounts of free butterbeer. Thanks again Microsoft!  We really appreciate all the free stuff :)

Quoted

God cannot exercise love and mercy at the expense of his righteousness and justice.

- Mike Horton

Book Review - In One Person

I wish John Irving had not written this book.  Save that, I wish, at least, I had not read it.  Ugh...

John Irving is one of the greatest novelist of the 20th century.  That's not a gushing overstatement.  Go read A Prayer for Own Meany and then try to deny Irving's place among the world's greatest writers.

But this book...good grief.

First, let me state this.  I was born a female.  I have always felt that worked out okay.  I also have been heterosexual for as long as I can remember.  That has worked out less well for me but I'm not planning to abandon the whole adventure.  I say that to stipulate that I can't imagine what life is really like for the characters in this book.  The problem is I don't think John Irving can imagine it either.

This book is about Billy Abbott.  A bi-sexual kid who come of age in the 1970's.  His grandfather is a closeted gay cross-dresser.  His father was a gay cross-dresser who abandons him to live in Spain with his lover.  Seriously...whatever.  Also, Billy is not transgender but he is really into men who dress as women and take hormones but are still men.  Is that specific enough for you?  He also has affairs with gay men and heterosexual women.  He's not all that particular.  And Billy LOVES everybody.  It's tiresome.

I'm not a prude but I honestly felt this book was obscene.  Not because it dealt with gay and transgender characters but because it dealt with all types of people as if sex is the only thing that ever happens to anyone.  It's ridiculous.

Look, I think sex is one of the best ideas God ever came up with.  But sometimes I think about other stuff.

Like doughnuts.

Bible Tuesday - David Part 15

So when we last left David he was jumping off a giant cliff of stupid.  The actual text suggests that David 'just happened' to see Bathsheba bathing and sent his men to find out who she was.  He invited her to the castle and yada, yada, yada, she ended up pregnant.  As I told you last week, I think David had known of Bathsheba for a long time.   And as her husband and father were off fighting, David knew she would be alone.  I am not contradicting scripture here.  I am just suggesting that this is what I read between the lines.  Don't go telling your preacher my theory or you will probably get kicked off of the VBS committee. 

And can I just admit here that that is what really bothers me about the way this story gets interpreted?  I have heard multiple sermons indicating that Bathsheba somehow ensnared David.  One preacher even said that she knew David could see her roof from the castle and purposefully went up there to shower.  I assume his point was that David could not be held responsible for his actions while looking at a naked woman. 

Stay with me.  David was the king.  I am not suggesting that he raped Bathsheba but was saying no really an option for her?  And honestly I just really don't know what went down.  From all accounts David was hot.  Bathsheba was hot.  Maybe those two had been making eyes at each other over the mailbox for years.  I am gonna get the real story from somebody in heaven, but for now, we'll just have to wonder.

If you are still trying to give David the benefit of the doubt here, just stop.  Because he is about to double down on this sin wagon.

Then David sent word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” So Joab sent him to David.  When Uriah arrived, David asked him how Joab and the army were getting along and how the war was progressing. Then he told Uriah, “Go on home and relax.” David even sent a gift to Uriah after he had left the palace.  But Uriah didn’t go home. He slept that night at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.
2 Samuel 11:6-9

Remember this little tidbit?
She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period.
That piece of information is included to make absolutely sure that you know and Uriah will know that he did not get his wife pregnant. So David thinks if he can just get Uriah to come home and have a happy reunion with his wife, then he can pass off his own child as Uriah's. Seems like a good plan to me. What could possibly go wrong?

Field Day 2012

Create your own picture slideshow You're only a bad mom if you DON'T get this stuff posted before the next school year starts.

Quoted

The Bible is not antique, or modern. It is eternal.

- Martin Luther

Bible Tuesday - David Part 14

In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war, Joab led the Israelite army in successful attacks against the land of the Ammonites. In the process he laid siege to the city of Rabbah. However, David stayed behind in Jerusalem.
1Chronicles 20:1


When you read the phrase - However, David stayed behind in Jerusalem - you should begin to hear that ominous horror movie music.  Since I know what's about to go down, I want to scream "Dave, don't do it!  Don't go outside!" 

Late one afternoon, after his midday rest, David got out of bed and was walking on the roof of the palace.
2 Samuel 11:2

Yep.  David went outside.  And guess what happened?

As he looked out over the city, he noticed a woman of unusual beauty taking a bath.  He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.”  Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home.  Later, when Bathsheba discovered that she was pregnant, she sent David a message, saying, “I’m pregnant.”
2 Samuel 11:2-5

From what I can tell, David had seven wives at this point.  Seven.  I'd be willing to bet he also had a whole bunch of concubines.  So clearly David could have satisfied his urges with many women.  But he was bored and Bathsheba was beautiful. 

Ya'll.  I have been mad at David my whole Christian life over this deal.  Here's why.

Bathsheba is Uriah's wife.  Uriah is no stranger to David.  Remember?  He was one of David's mighty men.  There were less than 40 of those guys.  David knew Uriah well.  And Bathsheba's dad's name was Eliam.  I can't prove it but I think he is the same Eliam we see in 2 Samuel 23:34.  If I am right (and seriously, how many Eliams could there be?)  then Bathsheba's dad was one of David's mighty men also.  That means that David knew Bathsheba pretty dang well.  He didn't just happen on to that roof and find himself ensnared by the silken glance of some unknown hottie.  For one thing, David was tight with her daddy and her husband.  For another, she clearly lived NEXT DOOR!!!   So I am just not buying this story that David has to send somebody to find out who she is. 

The lies, unfortunately, are just beginning.  And things are gonna get real bad real fast.

Dylan's Surgery

So Dylan calls me to report that he is super sick and needs meds.  I hang up and try to figure out what could possibly cause a perfectly health 21 year old man to be so sick.  Dylan calls back 20 minutes later to report that he has appendicitis.  We loaded up and headed to the hospital where it only took 5 hours to prepare him for surgery.  Surgery went smooth, Dylan recovered super quick and his girlfriend managed to be very nice to me for the whole deal (which could not have been easy for her since she hates my guts).

Orlando Part 2

Free slideshow created with Smilebox Kaylee is a HUGE harry Potter fan.  She is semi-obsessed. So, clearly, she has wanted to go to Islands of Adventure for a long time.  Being able to give that experience to her was worth the 24 hours total driving time.  The Harry Potter area was crazy crowded but by day two we had figured out that you can ride anything in the park without a wait if you get there when they open.  That sweet window only lasts for about an hour.

Not that you asked...

but I am gonna tell you anyway.

I love to save money.  But I am not gonna clip coupons for twenty hours a week or go dumpster diving.  Here are some reasonable ways to save a few bucks. 

      1.   Use Tide. 
      Why are you still messing with other detergents?  There are copious coupons and I find it at bargain prices on Amazon all the time.  But here is the penny pinching part. USE THE AMOUNT YOU NEED.  I used to just throw a cap full  in willy nilly every time I washed a load of clothes.  There is no telling how much I wasted.  If you have a newer machine (anything less than 10 years old) you are probably using too much detergent.  Just fill it to the bottom mark and the cap.  Trust me .  I have been doing this for months.  The clothes get just as clean and a bottle will last you twice as long.

  
      2.   If you really want to save money in the laundry room, then take the time to sort your dang clothes. Clothes cost money (I never buy anything unless Kohl's gives me 30% off but they still ain't free.) If you wash blue jeans and light colored blouses, they are all gonna come out looking like crap. This doesn't have to be difficult. Make a load of whites (use Clorox and hot water), a load of towels and washclothes (anything you wash with towels will end up covered in fuzz. Unless you want your kid lookin like the cookie monster, do them separately.) then a load of darks (jeans, etc) and a load of light colored clothes.  4 Loads.  That's it.  Repeat twice a week for the rest of your stinkin life. 

      3.   Use Windex, Pledge, Dawn and Downey.  I know they are more expensive.  But, in this case, you get what you pay for.  Find coupons and use them but do not make the mistake of buying generic.  Your windows will be streaky, your dishes will be greasy and your furniture will look like you polished it with a piece of bologna.  These products have been used for 100 years for one simple reason.  They work. (The only exception to this rule is Costco’s store brand called Kirkland Signature.  Everything Costco makes is as good or better than the name brand.)

      4.  Ditch the Swiffer.  I know I am attacking a sacred cow here but seriously these things are a waste of time and money.  Kevin had housekeepers before we got married.  He spent more on their Swiffer cloths, solutions and refills than he did for the actual housecleaning.  And you know what, his  floors were still filthy.  NOTE TO ALL PEOPLE:  Just because you got the floor wet doesn’t mean it’s clean.  Get a good floor vac and a steam mop.  Twice a year, you have to get down on your hands and knees and scrub it.  I know you don’t want to.  Pretend you’re Cinderella.  It works for me.

      5.  Barkeeper’s friend.  Buy some…now.  It’s less than two bucks and you will be able to put your makeup on in the reflection in your sink.. You shouldn’t but you could.  That plus your Dawn dishwashing liquid is all you need to clean your kitchen.  Stop making it hard. 

      6.  Let's talk about toilets.  No, really.  I am going to try to be as nice as I can here.  If you love any member of your family, you will keep your toilets clean.  First, make sure every bathroom in your house has a dedicated toilet brush.  Get one that sits in container and leave it there.  (Not everyone agrees with this advice.  I suppose if you want to walk around your house dripping toilet water everywhere from your ONE brush, that's your perogative.) Next, buy a few cans of Comet.  It costs less than a buck.  You don't even need a coupon.  Sprinkle liberally into the bowl and scrub it.  Like, really scrub it.  Let it soak for a bit and then flush it.  Wipe the seat with Windex and some paper towels.  Done.  The next time you get a stomach virus and you are puking your guts out, you will thank me for this.  (Note : DO NOT use Comet on anything else unless you plan to spend the rest of your life trying to rinse it off.)

NOTE:  Just because I have this knowledge does not mean that my house is clean even 70% of the time.  So don't be poppin' in just to prove a point.

Bible Tuesday - David Part 13

The ark is in Jerusalem and David is ready to start something else. 

Now when the king lived in his house and the Lord had given him rest from all his surrounding enemies, the king said to Nathan the prophet, “See now, I dwell in a house of cedar, but the ark of God dwells in a tent.”  And Nathan said to the king, “Go, do all that is in your heart, for the Lord is with you.”
1 Samuel 7:1-3

Nathan may have been a prophet but he spoke a bit too soon.  I understand though.  I mean, on it's surface, this plan of David seems like a good deal.  What could God possibly object to?

But that same night the word of the Lord came to Nathan,  “Go and tell my servant David, ‘Thus says the Lord: It is not you who will build me a house to dwell in.  For I have not lived in a house since the day I brought up Israel to this day, but I have gone from tent to tent and from dwelling to dwelling.  In all places where I have moved with all Israel, did I speak a word with any of the judges of Israel, whom I commanded to shepherd my people, saying, “Why have you not built me a house of cedar?”’  Now, therefore, thus shall you say to my servant David, ‘Thus says the Lord of hosts, I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, to be prince over my people Israel,  and I have been with you wherever you have gone and have cut off all your enemies from before you. And I will make for you a name, like the name of the great ones of the earth.  And I will appoint a place for my people Israel and will plant them, that they may dwell in their own place and be disturbed no more. And violent men shall waste them no more, as formerly,  from the time that I appointed judges over my people Israel. And I will subdue all your enemies.
1 Chronicles 17:3-10

I think David had the best motives here.  I think he really did want to do something for God.  I believe God understands that we don't really know how to respond to his overwhelming blessings without action.  God didn't need David to build Him a house as a thank you gift.  But David needed to do something.  For some reason, we all think gratitude just isn't enough.  You will see modern Christians doing this too.  They will actually use their good behavior as a method of paying God back.  As if living a perfectly moral life (whatever) will put them on a level playing field with God.  As if their good behavior and (self) righteous living will lower the debt they owe to the one who created them.  The sad part is those people never get to have any joy in their lives because they can never be quite good enough. 


‘Furthermore, the Lord declares that he will make a house for you—a dynasty of kings! For when you die and are buried with your ancestors, I will raise up one of your descendants, your own offspring, and I will make his kingdom strong.  He is the one who will build a house—a temple—for my name. And I will secure his royal throne forever.  I will be his father, and he will be my son. If he sins, I will correct and discipline him with the rod, like any father would do.  But my favor will not be taken from him as I took it from Saul, whom I removed from your sight.  Your house and your kingdom will continue before me for all time, and your throne will be secure forever.’
2 Samuel 7:11-16

God doesn't just say "I appreciate the thought Dave." Nope. He ups the ante. And here's the best part.  David finally gets it.  He doesn't try to pay God back for this eternal blessing. 

“Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?  And now, Sovereign Lord, in addition to everything else, you speak of giving your servant a lasting dynasty! Do you deal with everyone this way, O Sovereign Lord?
2 Samuel 7:18-19

Tell the truth.  Can you read this verse without grinning like an idiot?
Do you deal with everyone this way, O Sovereign Lord?
I think it's David's way of saying. "Admit it God.  I'm your favorite." 
And David is God's favorite.  And so am I.  And so are you.

5th Grade Day

Customize your own scrapbook design Let me try to describe 5th grade day for those of you lucky enough not to know what it is.  5th grade day is where all the PTA moms who have struggled and sacrificed for 6 years working daily at the elementary school try to make the rest of us look bad.  They also bring a select few dads into the mix just to make you resent your 'non-volunteering' husband (in case you didn't already). Basically they play games, have a cookout and an awards ceremony.  Then they have a 30 minute video slideshow featuring mostly pictures of the child and his friends of whatever family created the slideshow.  They play really sappy music and hand out tissues.  Look, these kids aren't going away to college.  They are going across town to the middle school.  Katie is just ten years old.  I don't quite need a hankie...yet.  And the best part is that Katie is not a sentimental kid so she spent most of the day rolling her eyes.  I really couldn't be prouder.

CSA - Week 7

This week we got our first tomatoes!  I'd like to tell you I made some gourmet treat but get real.  We cut them up for taco night.  Fresh corn, squash, carrots and bell peppers and cucumbers were part of our share this week too.

Our fruit share included peaches (which Anna ate in the bathtub...don't ask), blueberries and blackberries.  I love blackberries so ridiculously much.

In fact, the whole family loves them so much that we supplemented our share with some hand picked berries from a local farm.

If, for some reason, you actually have blackberries that do not get gobbled up by your kids, try this cobbler recipe.  You won't be sorry.

Orlando - Part One

This free digital slideshow personalized with Smilebox We didn't actually intend to go to Orlando.  Basically we have had a vacation to the beach scheduled since January.  (FYI, my husband is not really a fan of the beach.  Our beach vacation is my selfish way of saying "I drove 57000 miles to school and doctors/dentist appointments this year and you friggin owe me!"  Luckily, Kevin is very understanding and  as long as his laptop works, what difference does location make to him?) Anyway, Kevin had to attend a conference in Orlando.  He suggested Disney.  I reminded him that it would cost us 13 million dollars to take 5 kids to Disney.  He suggested Universal Studios.  I looked it up.  Wow...we might actually be able to afford Universal.  By the time Kevin explained that the room and mileage would be covered by his employer, my mind had been changed.  It almost seemed like it would be fiscally irresponsible not to go.  (Yeah...just kidding.  Although I use this same rationale when I shop at Kohl's.) My next big reservation was the 12 hour drive.  When motivated, we can make it to the Gulf Coast in 7 1/2 hours.  Orlando takes 12 hours on a good day and we don't actually have a lot of good travel days.  But guess what?  We had a really good travel day.  We left the house by 6AM.  We always plan to leave at 6 AM and usually leave by 9.  The kids were patient and not total brats.  Kevin and I listened to the audiobook of Stuff Christian's Like by Jon Acuff.  Go read that book immediately if you haven't already done so. So overall the drive went great and we actually made it to Orlando before sunset.  We celebrated by eating Giordano's famous stuffed pizza.  No way Disney could compete with that pizza.

Bible Tuesday - David Part 12

And it was told King David, “The Lord has blessed the household of Obed-edom and all that belongs to him, because of the ark of God.” So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the city of David with rejoicing.

2 Samuel 6:12


David tries again.

If our stated goal is to discover things that make David 'a man after God's own heart' then we cannot overlook his dogged determination.  David just doesn't give up.  And I gotta tell ya, if God had struck down one of my men while moving the ark, I think I probably would have decided that God didn't want the ark moved.  But David seems to have no such reservations. 

Then David summoned the priests Zadok and Abiathar, and the Levites Uriel, Asaiah, Joel, Shemaiah, Eliel, and Amminadab,  and said to them, “You are the heads of the fathers' houses of the Levites. Consecrate yourselves, you and your brothers, so that you may bring up the ark of the Lord, the God of Israel, to the place that I have prepared for it.   Because you did not carry it the first time, the Lord our God broke out against us, because we did not seek him according to the rule.”  So the priests and the Levites consecrated themselves to bring up the ark of the Lord, the God of Israel. And the Levites carried the ark of God on their shoulders with the poles, as Moses had commanded according to the word of the Lord.

1 Chronicles 15:11-15

You'd be amazed at how often just doing stuff the way God told you to do it works out. We live in a world surrounded by people who refuse to acknowledge God...until the poop hits the fan.  Then those same people will shake their fists at the God they claim doesn't exist and ask "Why?!?!?!"