The D Word

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be divorced? This, to me, is akin to wondering "What would it be like for the person I love most in this world to run over me with a semi truck daily for about ten years or so?" That is to say divorce is never something I contemplated until I experienced it. Nora Ephron (I love her so much, don't you?) has put words to almost all my feelings about divorce. You can(and should) read the whole thing here.

But here are some of my favorite parts.

But when you've had children with someone you're divorced from, divorce defines every­thing; it's the lurking fact, a slice of anger in the pie of your brain.

This is so true. I have no words to explain how much.

Of course, there are good divorces, where every­thing is civil, even friendly. Child support payments arrive. Visitations take place on schedule. Your ex-­husband rings the doorbell and stays on the other side of the threshold; he never walks in without knocking and helps himself to the coffee. In my next life I must get one of those divorces.

Me too, Nora. Me too.

But I can't think of anything good about divorce as far as the children are concerned. You can't kid yourself about that, although many people do. They say things like, "It's better for children not to grow up with their parents in an unhappy marriage." But unless the par­ents are beating each other up, or abusing the children, kids are better off if their parents are together.

Every one of you know this is true also. Even if you think you disagree, you are just deluding yourself.

Divorce seems as if it will last forever, and then suddenly, one day, your children grow up, move out, and make lives for themselves, and except for an occa­sional flare, you have no contact at all with your ex-husband.

Merciful and loving God...please let her be right about this.