Southern Living

Remember when Southern Living used to be an actual magazine? I can remember visiting my paternal grandmother and being able to pass a long boring ( I was a kid, give me a break) visit by reading one issue from cover to cover.

In an effort to drive Kevin batsh** insane by subscribing to even more magazines, I gleefully requested it. I thought longingly of the beautiful garden I would create, the delightful ladies' brunches I would prepare and the great deep-south weekend getaways we would take. All inspired by this magazine.

Imagine my shock and disappointment when my first issue arrived in the mail. I thought it must be some kind of free sample. No way this pamphlet could be the venerable Southern Living. I whined about it to Kevin and he reminded me that Time and Newsweek used to be magazines also. Now they honestly are little more than a weekly newsletter. Times are tough in the publishing world, I get that.

I began flipping through in an attempt to salvage my magazine nostalgia. Always read the end of a Southern Living first. That's where the recipes are located. The main reason the magazine exists. The red velvet cakes, the cheese grits, the shrimp salads. If you live south of Cananda, every good thing you ever ate probably originated in this recipe section. I found the section and hit immediate paydirt... banana pudding. I defy you to find a more southern dessert recipe than banana pudding. Imagine my shock when I discovered that this recipe utilized Nutter Butter cookies. You heard me. A recipe in Southern Living magazine that utilized a store bought cookie as an INGREDIENT. Five generations of women in my family just collectively flipped in their damn grave. ( And , yes, I realize that banana pudding generally includes Nilla wafers. The difference is Nilla wafers are integral to a banana pudding and cannot be replicated at home. Trust me.) I took a deep breath and kept reading. Maybe it was a fluke. A convenience recipe tossed in for the busy gal. (Note to editor : Busy gals ain't reading your magazine and they won't be making a banana pudding from scratch even if it does include Nutter Butters.) I knew I was mistaken when I saw that the next recipe used Cool Whip. Cool Whip is not even food. It's just a bunch of chemicals held together with corn syrup. I'm not trying to tell you how to live. If you want to eat crap, eat crap. But surely I don't need to read Southern Living to find recipes for crap.

I've paid for eleven more issues. Maybe next month, I'll get some good advice on how to prepare a delightful canned ham for Easter. Or perhaps a lovely trifle made with Chips Ahoy. Fiddle De Dee.