New Year, Old Attitude

This year I resolve to not give up. It's more complicated than it sounds.

A few days ago, I was at the nail salon (again!) staring into their wall size mirror behind the manicure stations. It's an inescapable mirror. The only other option is to stare at your hands or to actually try to hold a conversation with the manicurist. The image reflected in that mirror was not so different than the one I saw there last year. I'm still within my ten pound weight range (albeit closer to the top of that range than I would like). Wrinkles aren't multiplying at breakneck speed. Nothing in my reflection to fill me with terror. But looking into it, I was reminded of one of my favorite passages from a novel. In The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood , one of the main characters, Vivi, is giving advice to a friend of hers about cosmetics, hair and clothing. The friend tells her that she cannot afford to buy all these things just to look good and Vivi replies, "You can't afford not to." This has become something akin to my personal motto.

I was feeling guilt as I looked into that mirror because I was paying to have my nails done. Obviously I don't have a ton of unallocated income. There are probably lots of other items I could put that bi-weekly sum toward. This thought scared me because this is how the downhill slide for me generally begins. I start to think of all the reasons I should not value my appearance in a "mommy-martyr" kind of way and pretty soon I find myself wearing sweatpants and hiding in the house for six years. I just can't take a chance on ever going down that road again.

I guess it's a positive sign that I feel confident enough in my relationship with Kevin that I don't think he will dump me over a bad hair, face, or butt day. But would he be so understanding about a bad hair, face or butt year? The answer really doesn't matter. What I learned the last time I slid down the hill is that it matters to me. I'm not the same Rachel when I dress to be invisible. I'm not the same Rachel when I try to hide my horribly unmanicured hands. I'm not the same Rachel when I give up.

I don't think I'm vain. I don't really have to look better than anyone else. I just need to feel as if I'm taking some pride in myself. It's just a willful decision to fight the part of me that settles so quickly into a rut.

I can't afford not to.

Gingerbread

In a desperate attempt to start some traditions, we did our best to make a gingerbread house. OK, Emily tried to make a gingerbread house and I watched...whatever.


Kaylee ate frosting.



Anna ate frosting.



Emily and Ava ate frosting.



I'm sure Katie and Savannah ate frosting too but for some reason, I didn't get any photographic evidence...

Yes, Virginia...

Once upon a time, a man I love reminded me of the true meaning of Christmas. It sounds like a cliche, I know. But he took my breath away with a gift he gave anonymously to a family I don't even know. You can tell a lot about a man by the things he will do without expectation of return or acknowledgement.

One day, when he pisses me off, for no good reason, I will think of how he helped me remember what it was like to believe and I will fall in love with him all over again.

Hope

I know he's just a politician and there's probably a 90 percent chance that he is completely full of crap...but it sparks something within me to hear a candidate give voice to these things.

Ava's day out

So Ava decided she was too sick to go with her dad this weekend. I thought that dragging her with me to run assorted errands would cure her of ever pulling such a stunt again. I may have miscalculated...

I took her with me to the nail salon. What kid wants to sit for an hour while mom gets her nails done? The salon wasn't busy so the owner let Ava "pick a color" and proceeded to give her a free manicure.


Then I took her to lunch. Chik-Fil-A is closed on Sunday and Ava never wants anything but chicken nuggets. I got her a hamburger. She seemed to enjoy it anyway.



When we picked up her sisters late Sunday afternoon, she asked sweetly "Did you miss me?"

It really is...

This is my all-time favorite movie. Remember when they used to play it on every station basically nonstop during Christmas? Even that overkill never ruined it for me. I limit myself now to one yearly viewing and even though it's probably cliche, it's just become my personal Christmas tradition. I love Jimmy Stewart's exuberance in the final scene. I always laugh when the maid comes through with her "dee-vorce" money. And every time I hear the brother call George Baily "the richest man in town", I sob like an infant. And nothing says Christmas like me weeping in front of the television...

Screen Savers

We finally got high speed internet access at home. I realize I'm a little late to the game but I spend all day at a computer so home access didn't seem to be a big priority. But lately the kids have received an increasing number of online assignments and projects that could really benefit from internet research. Did you know the maps in my old set of encyclopedia's are all wrong now? Anyway, we're hooked up and the kids are now obsessed.

The funny thing is they only go to about three websites. Kaylee actually begged me to wake her up an hour early so she could get some extra time on ClubPenguin. The kid normally gets up before 6AM so you can see that she was dedicated. Then she wanted to tell me all about this great site she found that has all kind of videos to watch. Yep...the kid discovered Youtube three years after the rest of the world. So now all three of them are like little cave-girls drawn to the irresistible glow of the the screen. And I was worried they wouldn't have anything to fight over until after Christmas...

Happy Birthday Fernando!

I may have possibly forgotten Fernando's birthday. The only way to make up for this serious friendship breach is to offer up some serious James Brown.

Santa's Little Helpers

Watch my babies jingle their bells!

Shopping observations

- Online shopping has ruined me for the mall. There are tons of people there and they're all in line in front of me.

- Lady, I'm sorry life hasn't turned out quite like you had planned. I understand. I've been there myself. But your exaggerated sighs each time someone steps up to your check-out register only serves to piss me off which isn't the Christmas spirit thing I was hoping for, OK?

- Conversely, the employees at a certain candle store in the mall are arrogant heifers. It's a candle. I've used them before. I think I've got the whole "light it" and "let it burn" thing figured out. I really don't need your ten minute lecture on wick trimming. Thanks a bunch.

- I've never once paid full price for anything at 'Linens and Things'. It makes me happy. They carry suprisingly few linens, though. They should call it 'A Bunch of things and a few Linens'.

- Macy's makes me really miss Castner Knott. I loved that store.

- You know those annoying Kiosk people in the mall? They never approach me. I must give off some weird "Speak one word to me and I will not hesitate to karate chop you right here in front of God and everybody" vibes. It works out great because I'm not in the market for any miracle hand cream, cell phones or sequined purses.

- I spent an entire day by myself and enjoyed it immensely. I'm pretty damn good company.