Give me some sugar...

I really like Halloween. I know you're shocked that I would enjoy a holiday built entirely around candy...but it's true :) I just wonder if my kids think the whole thing is a little strange. 364 days of the year, I won't even let them cross the street. But come October 31st, I gleefully allow them to wander around strange neighborhoods...in the dark... and beg food off of complete strangers...while dressed as a princess/cheerleader/monkey/dinosaur/etc.

Dear Santa...

I know it's early but Fernando and I really need these for Christmas.

Random Savannah Pics

Random Kaylee Pics

Random Ava Pics

I Believe...

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Every day I watch the news with growing amazement, disillusionment, horror, bemusement, cynicism and anger. But I still believe...

Jeepers Creepers

Since school started this year, Savannah has been complaining of headaches and trouble reading. Now any normal mother would have assumed that the child had a problem with her eyesight and would have taken her to the optometrist immediately. Not me. No sir. I just ignored her for several weeks assuming she was just making excuses for not doing her work. Nice, huh? I finally came to my senses and took her for an exam which proved that she had been telling the truth all along. In fact, the doctor was amazed that her teacher had not contacted me. He said her vision was so bad, he couldn't imagine that she wasn't having major problems in school. Ooops!

I feel tremendous guilt, as it is, for dumping my kids every day to go to work. Now I can add to that the shame of letting my precious firstborn stumble through her first six weeks of fourth grade like Mr. Magoo.

September 21, 2006

365 more my love...

Birthday party on the farm

OK...so it wasn't a "real" farm but the girls got to see some cows and they don't know any better :)

Eavesdropping II

We live in a very small house. This can be very convenient or very annoying depending on the situation. Since Kaylee has a really loud voice, (like me), I can usually hear every word the kid says no matter where she is in the house. This weekend she was talking to her friend Carla about how much she loves her family..(did I mention that she also tends to be quite melodramatic?) Anyway, at one point she declared, "I wouldn't trade my mom for anything in the whole wide world." And just as I was starting to get all teary-eyed, she added "except maybe for a pony."

Good to know where I stand :)

September 14, 1973

33 was good to me...

Shopping

If you have enough imagination,





shoe shopping with your mother



doesn't have to be boring.



You can always play "Armed Robbery' with your sisters to pass the time.

Happy Birthday Jamie

Jamie and I have been friends for a long time. Our friendship is based entirely upon our shared love for mint chocolate chip ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. You might think that is a slim foundation to build a relationship on but it has sustained us for 13 years.

I met Jamie on my first day at Trinidad-Benham. I was a smart ass college nerd and Jamie was a tiny blond fresh out of high school. I'm pretty sure we didn't have a lot in common and both of us seemed out of place in that grubby little factory. We were thrown together that night due to a screw up on the production line. For several hours, one of the machines had packaged two pounds of dried rice into a bag that should have held 3 pounds. When the mistake was discovered, Jamie and I were sent to the back of the packing room where we perched on the edge of a giant metal hopper to salvage the rice. For eight hours we slammed rice bags against the side of that hopper which fed the rice back onto the production floor to be repackaged. I cannot remember anything we talked about that night but I know we laughed...a lot.

We worked together for several more years and between us, I think we worked every job they had. It was hot in the summer and cold in the winter. On one side of the plant there was an ever present layer of dust. It hung in the air and basically covered everything. On the other side, we packaged cooking oil so you can imagine the mess that involved. Regardless of all the discomfort, we always managed to have a good time.

Jamie and I spent a lot of nights fixing mistakes there.We spent a lot of nights making mistakes there too. I often joked that we were "Lucy and Ethel" because we could turn a seemingly simple task into screwball comedy of epic proportions. Jamie once helped me push a giant trash can across the factory to the dumpster. A completely routine trash run completed at least four times a night without consequence by others. But by the time Jamie and I got halfway there we had managed to overturn the can spilling at least 500 oily, plastic bottles over the floor of the warehouse.

I left that job a few years before Jamie and luckily we've been able to maintain our friendship without seeing each other daily. We've been through some times in the last few years that weren't so fun and against our best intentions, we've grown up a lot. But even after all these years, we still laugh more than we cry.

So I hope you have a great day today, Jamie. And I really wish we were sharing an ice cream cake to celebrate :)

Pavarotti - Nessun Dorma

Just listen. Close your eyes. If you aren't moved to tears or at least to goosebumps, you are a soulless automaton and I never liked you anyway :)

Forgiveness

Since Ryan has remarried and had the new baby, he and his wife have been on a moderately successful PR blitz to give their relationship some legitimacy. Their idea being that the past is the past and let's just forget about all that stuff and move on. To that end, Ryan inquired as to whether I might ever develop a friendly relationship with his wife. You see she is no longer the calculating hussy who set about to destroy my family...she is his wife and the mother of his child. Surely we have loads in common now. Think of all the fun we could have. We could sit around reminiscing about the good old days... "Remember when I was in labor and you came to the hospital and everybody but me knew that you were messing around with my husband?" "What about all the times you would call the house and hang up when I answered?" Then we could braid each other's hair and make brownies or something.

I didn't argue. I just calmly informed him that that was Not.Gonna.Happen. He didn't press the issue but I knew it was bound to surface again. When he came to pick the girls up this weekend he casually asked me if I had a bible concordance he could look at. I gave it to him. He sat down with it at the kitchen table and flipped pages for about 90 seconds. He looked up and said "Do you know where that verse comes from that talks about loving your enemy?" I walked to the table found the verse he was requesting and pointed to the entry. "Do you have a bible around here?" he asked? I could have pointed out that he knew perfectly well that there were at least six bibles on the three bookshelves surrounding him on each wall, but I could already tell that he was putting on a little show and I admit, I was curious as to how it would play out. I handed him the bible. He read the verse out loud...twice, interrupted only by his loud "Hmmms" and deep sighing. I ignored him and continued folding the laundry until he got tired of waiting for me and packed the kids up to leave.

Of course, I know Ryan well enough to ascertain that I was supposed to ask him why he was interested in that particular verse. This would be his opening to show me how hypocritical my feelings were toward his wife. People like this love nothing more than "catching" some professed Christian acting in a way that contradicts the bible and , honestly, any other time I would have taken the bait and verbally shredded his ass for even considering a debate with me on a biblical topic. I didn't argue with him this time because...he's right.

I have no snappy comeback. I am a professed Christian. I am a Baptist Sunday School teacher. I have read the bible backwards and forwards. I know what it says. But I still cannot feel anything but contempt for this woman. I know I am supposed to forgive her but I don't know how. And I am completely ashamed that I have given her so much control over my emotions. The crazy part is that I have completely forgiven Ryan. The strongest emotion that man elicits in me now is "bemusement". So doesn't it stand to reason that if I could forgive the man who was supposed to love us that I could forgive this stranger who never swore any allegiance to my family in the first place?

I try desperately to live my life with a little dignity and class. It's important to me to try to rise above my baser instincts. But in four years I have not even made eye contact with her because I am convinced that if she speaks directly to me, all the rage I have swallowed for so long will culminate in my beating the holy hell out of her in a scene which would make the worst episode of "Jerry Springer" look like "Masterpiece Theater". Surely I am better than that.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger...